"us" - a tragedy of basic human adversity

naive enough to keep a lock & key
over the words the world fed us
soaking them in like gospel
to the deepest depths of our parts
& we were told: one & one made two
& we applied to same principle
to a me & a you
yet somehow our selves just didn't add up.
we were split down the middle
by some fraction bar,
both made to dwell no less than an assumption away
separate. not divided as we may have first thought
but living the way we both knew we were bound to:
with our glasses half full & our souls half empty
just wishing we could pour either
or both
back into one another's.

because a yesterday ago held promises & hope
of an us that lasted forever & a day
but you can't scrapbook together a happily ever after -
there's not enough tape or near enough time
to mend a love that wasn't there
to fix a line that doesn't rhyme

& we tried rhyming our line with the
same
damn
word.
but you can't rhyme you with you
& sometimes one & one
just don't make two.

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mediocrity

some nights i'm scared of mediocrity
& all it has to offer mey
the safety & the comfort
& the arms of something less
than i'm destined for.
they beckon me
with lullabies of a simple life
a cast still missing
the role of the wife
a home & a husband
& simple delights
images of teddy bears
& knitting needles
& pots & pans
work i can do with my love
& my hands
an idea of humbling myself & my needs
but the devil makes the word
dream rhyme with selfish
& now my highest hopes have found a shelf to sit on
blanketed in dust that marks up all my dreams
& their unexplored potential
but my future will rest easy, mistaking dust for snow
& who knows how long they’ll live there
out there in the blizzard
playing in their death bed
unaware they once were ahead
once on the road to success
now buried in, once sweet looking, distress
of a household to run alone
& the constant absence of a lover
no one to come & comfort
no one to keep you company
or save you from your now accepted mediocrity.

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please do not touch

you were a work of art
held at arm’s length
and pulled further away
locked in a glass case
reflecting the pictures
of sticky fingers
and ready victims
writhing for you touch
-
& i am just a girl
with arms longer than the rest.

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dandelion heart

you had a dandelion heart
& so did i
weak & shy & innocently deceitful
stained with colorful sideways glances
& smiles that didn't match our faces
yet the blossom could only last so long
before your wispy soul
blew away with the wind
newly focused
wilting for her
all the while I still bloomed for you
-
come back to me before I wilt, too.

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herbicide

i feel fallen
brought to my knees
not by a love
but by a disease
by a heart tug
or a heart break
by a hurt
or maybe a hate
my garden of ache
overgrew
& spilled into things
i didn't want it to
it split through my walls,
& let my writer's heart seep
until my garden of ache
was a puddle of ink
& your hands found a way
through the cracks in the brick
& played with my heart
yet left it unnicked
-
but you were no good for me.
- your fingertips traced
their way to my brain
& twisted the wires
til madness seemed sane
the truths of Him
you tore to shambles
the lies of this world
you turned to candy
but i picked at your falsehood
like a toddler unsatisfied
so you shoved it down my throat
& searching for hope
i came up bone dry
bone dry
bone dry
bone.
-
skin & bones.
bones & skin.
"all i strive to be is thin"
but i kept eating
the words you fed me
until all i knew & felt was empty
so i am fallen
brought to my knees
not by a love
but by a disease
& here on the ground
in my broken hands
i hold too delicately
my grout & mortar
to, again, brick by brick
build up my walls
so i can't see your face
& i can't feel the fault
-
because in the end
it is my fault
don't say it's not
don't say it's not
for you had always presented the poison
but I had always chosen to swallow.

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human nature

an absence of warmth
or a presence of chill
the thrill of a dead world
before our eyes
the contrast of life alive
on our insides
& cool bodies come together over an annual change
to share a love
of memories long behind us
that tend hurt more than they satisfy us
oh, & how human we are.
like the trees
we tremble
over fear of a new start
that neither of us had ever asked for
but knew was coming
& unlike the trees
we lock away our leaves
refusing spring to come
holding the growth
back in the pores of our skin
stuck in a past time
replaying our previous season of life
where our summer lover
came to meet us
in the brilliance of our foliage.
now:
reaching out in the winter chill
bare naked
grabbing at a past,
instead of hoping for a future.

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